Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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