Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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