Someone shit on the floor
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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