No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
