It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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