Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
