Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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