You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
