We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
