You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
