I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize