I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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