So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
