next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
This house was built for laser tag.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just want to make out with him forever
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize