I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
