I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
