we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Enjoy the penises
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
