No stitches, just platelets and will power
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize