Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
