dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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