Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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