I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
