She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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