The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
