I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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