haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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