I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
