In the future we'll all be gay
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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