you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
