I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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