Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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