went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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