Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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