The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
