with your own penis?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
