just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
