I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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