she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
