As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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