nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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