I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
