Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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