he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
