this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
