I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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