I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
