Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
