I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
