Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
