A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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