Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
