I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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