i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Did you pee in the oven last night??
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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