i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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