dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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