I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize