Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
