Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
there is puke in my bra ... again
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