Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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