why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
