Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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