Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
