Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
