the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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