Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize