so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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