eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
