you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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