I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
