I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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