Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
