Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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