'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize