4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
